


A Moment of Respite

by Darazelly



Series: A Collection of Moments [4]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Desk Sex, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-20
Updated: 2015-08-20
Packaged: 2018-04-16 06:57:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4615686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Darazelly/pseuds/Darazelly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It had been weeks since they'd had a moment to themselves that didn't concern Inquisition business or other work related subjects. But what was intended to just be a quick visit soon takes a completely different course.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very wordy, I've been poking away at this for months and just needed to put it up somewhere so I can stop fiddling with it. It's the first time I've written anything like this.

It was dark outside, the bridge before her lit up by the twin moons hanging in the sky. Elshira wrapped her arms around herself and glanced up at the clear night sky as she hurried along. Despite her long-sleeved shirt, the night air still nipped mercilessly at her skin. But once she reached his door, she paused, her eyes flickering to the stream of light that filtered through the open gap in it. Even as she strained to listen to the low voices from inside, she could only make of a few words here and there. 

It would seem that he was busy debriefing some soldiers. 

She glared at the handle as if it was the source of all her problems, her hand hovering over the cold metal while she chewed on her lower lip and weighted her options.

Maybe she could just grab a drink at the tavern with Bull, or see if Dorian was still awake. Not that it was that late, the bell had just rung for the eight hour, but they had returned from the Exalted Plains just earlier that afternoon. And if she knew the mage he had quite likely have spent half the evening soaking in hot a bath with a book and bottle of wine. The stench of death and smoke had an unpleasant tendency to cling. She could still catch the scent of ash and rotten flesh in her nose, but whether it was her imagination or real she did not know.

A shudder that had nothing to do with the cold air wrecked her.

Maybe she should just go and get to sleep. Or prepare for the meeting with a comte tomorrow morning with whom Josephine had tried to work out a deal with regarding resources to the Western Approach.

The sound of some guards shouting to each other startled her out of her thoughts. Creators, if any of the guards saw her they’d surely wonder why the Inquisitor was standing around outside their commander’s door like some lost child at this hour.

Elshira glanced back towards the door to the main keep.

No, she needed to see him.

They had both been so busy in the weeks since Adamant; the stabilization of the area had proved itself a logistic nightmare that was only complicated further by nobles from all over Orlais that tugged at them to solve this or that issue.

And then Varric’s friend, Bianca, had suddenly showed up and sightings of more undead and demons at the Plains had required her attention.

But in a way the constant stream of work had almost been welcome.

It kept the lingering memories of the screams of dying men and women at bay. It made her too tired for the Nightmare’s looming laughter and taunts to invade her sleep. And it kept Hawke’s sacrifice and the look on Varric’s face when she and Alistair had staggered out of the Fade without the Champion, far in the back of her mind. Yet the smell of ash and death lingered in the air…

With a shudder, she broke away from the memories and returned her focus to the door. It wasn’t as if someone would question her presence at a debriefing of her own soldiers. She could wait until he had finished the meeting.

All she wanted was one minute of peace with him. To just see and hear him, and for the conversation to be about anything other than scouting reports from Crestwood or some puffed-up orleasian noble making a fuss.

Maybe a hug or a kiss. He had only had time to give her a quick peck earlier by the war table before Leliana and Josephine had arrived to hear her report on the situation in the Plains.

If he was tired, and he most likely was, she could just ask how things were and then bid him good night.

It wasn’t too much was it?

Elshira drew a shaky breath, stilling her frayed nerves before she nudged the door open and quietly slipped inside.

Around Cullen’s desk were a dozen soldiers gathered shoulder to shoulder, their attention on the maps and papers no doubt spread out over it. No one had noticed her enter. Elshira slowly closed the door behind her, and moved to lean against the wall beside it, folding her arms across her chest.

She could only just see him between the soldiers as he continued briefing them, handing out written orders to the most senior of his officers. But it was comforting to just listen to his voice, the tone more so than the words.

After a few minutes, a shift in the crowd gathered around him created an opening through which she could see him entirely.

Cullen swept his eyes over his gathered subordinates. “Rylen’s men will monitor the situation. In the meantime, we’ll send soldiers to…” He paused for a second as he caught sight of her amongst the shadows, his passive expression betrayed by the small twitch of a suppressed smile at the corner of his mouth. “… assist with the relief effort.”

Without taking his eyes of her he handed over the last parchment to one of the officers. “That will be all.”

A chatter of ‘Yes sir’ acknowledged his dismissal. The soldiers filtered out the door one by one, each one inclining their heads and muttering ‘Inquisitor’ as they passed her. She nodded back at them with a small smile on her lips, but her attention was directed towards Cullen at the end of the group.

The door shut with a heavy thud as Cullen leaned against it, his head bowed in fatigue. “There’s always something more, isn’t there?”

“Long day?” she asked, her voice soft with concern. He sounded as tired as she felt. A quick visit it was then.

Cullen huffed a short, weary laughter. “I shouldn’t complain.” He straightened and walked back to his desk with just a short glance at her. 

A lump formed in her stomach. Had she done something to slight him without realizing it?

But before she could ask, he continued, “This war won’t last forever. When it started I hadn’t considered much beyond our survival.” Cullen came to a halt and turned back to look at her. The soft and loving look in his eyes made her heart skip a beat as she walked up next to him, relieved to know he wasn't angry with her. “But things are different now…”

“Such as?” she asked, her curiosity piqued.

“I find myself not wanting to move on, not from you…”

Her stomach flipped at his words and a warm feeling spread throughout her body. When he raised a gloved hand to caress her cheek, the smooth worn leather feeling cold against her skin, a small, fond smile spread on her lips. But before she even had the chance to lean into his touch, never mind give voice to her own feelings for him, doubt entered his eyes. His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed and turned away from her again.

“I mean, I don’t know if that’s… if you… ah…” he trailed off as he leaned heavily on his hands against his desk, staring down at the maps and papers covering it.

“Cullen, do you really need to ask?” Elshira asked as she put a hand on his arm to get his attention, tilting her head as she searched for his gaze. What would happen in the future was beyond her knowledge, but… Skyhold, all the people here, he, had become her new home. It was a scary realization, one of many after enduring the trip through the Fade at Adamant, but she knew it was true in her heart. She would always love and miss her clan, but here she had a purpose, the resources to make a change.

Here she had him.

Some of the tension melted out of his shoulders as he slowly turned to look at her.

“I guess not,” he murmured as he stood up straight and moved so that he was standing in front of her. At his sides, his hands curled up in fists.

The tension was thick between them as they both seemed to struggle with what to say.

Elshira gave him a small, loving smile and leaned back a little, as if the minimal extra distance between them could help them gather their thoughts easier.

Unbidden, old faded memories of her long since dead husband appeared in her mind. He had been so stubborn when they’d both been young hunter apprentices. Always trying to impress her and make her laugh. The ease of youthful love; it had been simpler, more carefree days.

Not two scarred, broken adults trying to work things out while the world was falling to pieces around their ears.

Cullen began saying something just as she moved her hands back to better support herself. Suddenly, her hand bumped against something, and she twisted around just in time to see a bottle roll over the edge of the desk. She sucked in a breath, holding it, until she flinched at the sharp sound of glass shattering against the stone floor.

Shit.

An apology was on the tip of her tongue as she turned back to Cullen, but the words died in her mouth when their eyes met.

Warm and intense, like liquid amber in the candlelight, and filled with longing. His gaze flickered to the shattered glass and then back to her as his brow knitted together in thought. There was a silent question in his eyes. Her tongue darted out to wet her lips as warmth pooled in her stomach and spreads up the back of her neck. All of sudden the room felt too hot. 

The corner of Cullen’s mouth curled up in an amused smile as he gave his head a slight shake, like he was laughing at himself. Then he stepped to the side and with a sweep of his hand, books, scrolls and parchments tumbled to the flagstones.

Elshira’s eyes went wide in surprise, a question burning on her lips, but then he was back in front of her. With a light grip on her hips he urged her to move further up on the sturdy wooden furniture. Her heart was beating wildly in her chest, but a surprised smile spread on her lips as she complied. 

Cullen's movements were full with agile purpose, his golden eyes transfixed on her as he followed her up on the desk. It was exhilarating. She was so used to his confidence coming and going, for him to always hesitate when they got to that point of pushing something in their relationship a little further.

But this. This was the look of her commander. Sure in his actions, focused and determined.

“Cullen…?” Elshira breathed, his name laced with a low laughter. His hand brushed against her side as she settled down on her back and he braced his weight on his forearm and knees. With a smile, she trailed her fingertips up his arms. Despite not being as lithe and willowy as her kinswomen, she always felt like she could disappear in his embrace.  
It made her feel safe and loved, like she could allow herself to be vulnerable without fear of judgment. It was a welcoming respite from being the ‘Inquisitor’ or ‘Herald’. 

The scent of fur and sandalwood washed away the smell of ash and death that lingered in her nose. All that mattered was here and now; the feeling of his body against hers and the attentive, affectionate look in his eyes.

“Maker’s breath, Eli…” he rasped. His free hand slid up her side, the touch light and respectful even as his thumb skimmed past the underside of her breast. Her breath hitched in response, her fingertips caressing his jaw and neck. Then he cupped the back of her head and kissed her, hot and needy, as if he was a man starved.

Elshira moaned into the kiss, her eyes fluttering shut as she surrendered to him and the feeling of his lips against her own, his tongue gliding against hers. She buried her fingers in his hair, always taking a small measure of joy in mussing his carefully tamed locks. She wanted, needed, to feel more of his warm skin under her fingers. By comparison the metal of his chestplate felt cold through the fabric of her shirt. It was a frustrating barrier keeping her from feeling the heat of his body, to see and explore him.

With a regretful groan, she turned her head enough to break the kiss. “Cullen, wait-“

She felt Cullen tense before he jerked back to look at her. His eyes were dark with arousal and a flush tinted his cheeks, but his eyebrows were knit together in worry. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-“

Elshira interrupted him by pressing her lips against his. In her hurry, their noses bumped and his teeth caught at her bottom lip by accident. But she would not give him the chance to backpedal into uncertainty again.

“Relax Cullen,” she murmured against his lips. “I want this,” she continued, moving her hands to cradle his jaw as she lay back down and gazed up at him. “I want you, I have for months. I do right now, and will tomorrow and the day after that and the days after that.” She kissed him again and a hoarse groan rose from his throat as he finally relaxed and kissed her back. 

Cullen turned his head to trail light kisses over her jaw while his free hand caressed her thigh and waist. “Forgive me, Lady Inquisitor, for acting like a brute,” he spoke, his hot breath against the shell of her ear sending shivers through her body. She was quite certain her title wasn’t supposed to sound that good rolling off his tongue in that low tone. 

“There’s a, uhm, bed…“

“Up the ladder.” Elshira giggled at the rasp of his stubble against her skin, her eyes fluttering shut as she tilted her head to the side to allow him better access. “I think your desk can handle it, but ah-,” she moaned her approval as he nibbled at that sensitive spot by her ear. An excited jolt shot through her body when he shifted his weight and she could feel the hard press of his arousal against her thigh.

“But?” There was a slight tremble in his voice, a note of trepidation.

“The doors are unlocked, and you’re in full armor,” she laughed softly, running her fingers through his hair, urging him to look at her. “Don’t make me do inappropriate jokes about not being a castle to lay siege to.”

A husky laughter rumbled through him as he pulled back enough to meet her gaze, his eyes thankfully void of any lingering worries, cheeks flushed and an easy smile on his lips. “A fair point.”

“I do, occasionally, make them. For the rest of the time I have my brilliant advisors.” She grinned, feeling more at ease than she had for weeks.

Cullen chuckled as he carefully slid off the desk, his hands trailing over her body as they separated. The brief touch made her want to just pull him back in again, the risks of someone walking in on them be damned.

Elshira sat up as he with a lingering look hurried off to lock his doors, and instead occupied her hands with removing the long linen bands she kept wrapped around her bare feet and shins when at Skyhold. Nervous butterflies danced in her stomach, but it was a good, jittery feeling. No dread, no apprehension, just the hot rush of love and desire.

She had just unraveled the cloth halfway when he was back by her. “Here, let me,” he murmured, urging her to scoot over so she could dangle her legs over the edge of the desk. Cullen got down on a knee, giving her a fond smile when she warned him to be mindful of any glass shards, before propping up her foot on his other knee as he continued undoing the cloth.

“Oh,” she sighed as his strong hands caressed her calf as the cloth fell loose, kneading her sore muscles with practiced ease. He glanced up at her with a small smile, keeping up his ministrations until the cloth was piled on the floor, and then switched to her other leg.

With her feet and legs freed from the wrappings, Cullen rose back up between her legs, his hands coming to rest on her waist. He hesitated for a moment, his eyes studying her. “Eli, are you su—“

“Yes.”

With a huffed laugh, Cullen caught her lips in a searing kiss, the hot desire from before sparking anew.

Elshira moaned as he leaned over her, his hands stroking her thighs and hips before settling on the curve of her rear, pulling her close while she clung to the fabric of his coat with trembling fingers. When they broke apart with a gasp, their breathing coming in quick pants, she quickly tugged at his right arm so she should start undoing the fastenings on his vambraces with unsteady hands. It didn’t take long, despite how he bent his head to nuzzle the side of her neck, kissing and nibbling at her sensitive skin, and the armor piece and his glove were soon discarded on the floor while she got to work on the other.

“Thank the Creators you’re not wearing something more complex,” she murmured, the words trailing off into a soft moan as his warm fingers brushed through the hair at the nape of her neck. Oh how she needed to feel his hands on her body.

Cullen chuckled. “I could pull out the templar armor for you if you wish.”

With an exasperated growl at the thought of the complex and layered templar armor with its robes, Elshira tugged loose the last strap on the vambrace, discarding the item as she looked up at him. Oh two could play that game. “I have a set of heavy Grey Warden armor, and I’m not afraid to use it,” she retorted with a teasing smirk, firmly stroking her thumb against the palm of his hand before tugging his glove off.

His eyes narrowed, “Is that a challenge, your worship?” His voice had dropped low, a husky rumble that made her pulse quicken as he loomed over her, both of his hands placed on the desk on either side of her.

She met his heated stare, ignoring the way the cocky smirk on his lips made his scar twist in a delectable manner and how she desperately wanted his hands back on her.

“Maybe,” she retorted while tugging lightly at his belt. “First one to get the other out of their armor gets to call the shots?”

Cullen groaned and shook his head. “Minx,” he muttered with a laugh, before crashing their mouths together, his hands warm and steady on the small of her back. Elshira giggled through it, and he instead turned his attention back to the expanse of her neck. He bit down on the curve where her neck met her shoulder, lapping and sucking at the skin with enough force to surely leave a mark. Her hands momentarily stilled on his buckle, her heavy gasp turning into a throaty moan as a shudder wrecked her body at the mix of pain and pleasure.

With his belt coming loose, Elshira didn’t wait for him to shrug off the fur coat before digging her fingers underneath the heavy cloth to find the clasps on his chestplate, and with a click, the piece of armor loosened.

Cullen drew back from her with a groan. “Let me,” he murmured as he caught her hands and caressed her knuckles.

He swiftly undid his shoulder-guards with the practiced ease of someone who had spent years getting in and out of plate armor, before shrugging out of his fur-lined surcoat and discarding it beside her on the desk, and then pulled off the loosened breastplate. Together, they made short work of the fastenings on the padded leatherjacket he wore underneath, laughing between quick kisses. With a heavy whoomp it fell to the floor, leaving him in just a white cotton shirt. Wetting her lips, she stroked her hands down his arms, enjoying the feeling of his muscles under her fingers.

Cullen caught her left hand in a gentle grip, lifting it so he could press a kiss to the inside of her wrist, his eyes never leaving hers. A breathy moan spilled from her lips, warmth pooling in her stomach and without thinking she grabbed his collar and tugged him forward, reclaiming his lips in a slow, drawn out kiss.

Meanwhile, his movements were quick and precise as he tugged at the sash she had around her waist, his fingers guided by the same goal-oriented efficiency that directed her armies. Once the dark cloth pooled onto the floor, he eagerly dipped his fingers underneath the loose blue fabric of her shirt to caress her waist.

Cullen’s hands were warm, the calluses on his palms rough against her skin, but his touch was gentle as he mapped out the curves of her body while bunching the garment higher up. “Lift your arms,” he murmured huskily against her lips.

Elshira trembled when she did, sucking in a breath as his hands slid up her body, leaving goose-bumps in their wake.

It was different, she realized, to uncover herself before him rather than in front of the others. When they were out on the road they were usually just eager to get the dust and grime from their travels off in whatever waterhole they’d come across. Out there it was only joking quips if someone caught an eyeful of someone else.

But when Cullen’s eyes roamed over her, hot and hungry, she felt all too aware of her nudity, of the scars that marked her body, her small breasts and less than ideally ‘elven’ physique. She wasn’t lithe and graceful like Neria, and while her body was thick with muscles, she didn’t have Cassandra’s statuesque athletic figure, or even Leliana’s full hourglass shape. 

The sudden bout of doubt and shyness overcame her as she shifted uncertainly to lean back on one hand, her other trailing up to cover herself while she watched him timidly through her eyelashes.

Hadn’t he been around mages most of his life? From what elven mages that had joined them at Skyhold, they seemed to be the essence of the willowy elegance humans found so desirable in her people. She’d heard Alistair joke about how he could lift Surana one-handed when she was out of her armor and-

Her thoughts were interrupted when Cullen gently took her hand in his and once their eyes met, slowly pulled it away from her body. His eyebrows knit together when he with a light touch traced the ugly scar that ran along the left side of her ribcage, following its path to the next pale line that marred her skin.

Elshira swallowed and fought down the urge to squirm. Instead, she gave his hand a light squeeze, and instantly he looked back up at her.

“You’re so beautiful…” Cullen breathed, sounding so heartfelt in his adoration that her doubts all but evaporated with her shaky laugh. 

He never looked at her like a prize. Respect, love, concern, and yes, desire, lust and want. But it was a desire for her, for who she was, and not for her status as a religious symbol or as a person of power. His hungry gaze made her feel wanted, not hunted.

And it was feelings she returned. A quiet groan escaped him as she curiously slid her free hand under the edge of his shirt. She followed the trail of hair leading up to his stomach as she looked back up at him.

“I want to see you too,” she whispered. She bit her lip, watching him as she felt his muscles tense under her hand when she laid it flat against his stomach.

Cullen let go of her hand and tugged the shirt over his head, his muscles shifting in a most enticing manner with the motion. Slowly Elshira slid her hands up the hard planes of his torso. The first and only other time she had seen him without a shirt on, he’d been suffering from a headache and back ache. That time he’d been face down on her bed while she’d been focused on lessening those pains with a massage. Not exactly the ideal time to appreciate his physique, but now… There really was nothing slender about him, but she couldn’t deny that there was something rather exciting about his wide shoulders and broad chest.

A small smile spread on her lips at the light tickle of the fair hair on his chest. Not as sparse as Dorian’s, but not a thick carpet of hair like the one adorning Blackwall’s chest either. By Mythal, he had so many scars. They were old and faint; a testament to the skilled hands of a healer, but her heart ached at the sight of them, knowing what they represented. She ghosted her fingers over a particularly nasty looking one along his side. The Templars’ armor was full plate, and yet he had such a deep scar? Cullen tensed and stood still as if frozen on the spot. Afraid she had overstepped, Elshira stopped and looked up at him.

Cullen let out a slow breath as he got that distant look in his eyes she recognized from whenever old memories reared up for him. On an impulse, she leaned forward to press a kiss against a jagged line on his chest. She heard him sigh, one of his hands settling on her back, as if he sought to ground himself in her presence.

“I’m sorry,” she apologized while glancing up him. Guilt tugged at her heart for reminding him yet again of painful events.

“It’s alright,” he murmured softly, and she kissed another scar, wishing she could mend all of the marks on his body, to ease the pain behind them as easily as she’d done with the strained muscles in his back. “Eli…”

As he relaxed again Elshira trailed her hands over the dip of his hipbones, taking a small pleasure in his sharp intake of breath when she reached the waistline of his breeches. She was quivering, aching with need for him and he had barely touched her. 

“Can I?” Elshira looked up at him, and received a short nod in response. With a few tugs, she undid the knot on the lacing, but before she had the chance to loosen them any further, he caught her hands. 

“Cullen?” she asked, tensing in surprise as she looked up at him.

Cullen cleared his throat. She could see the worry in his eyes and the way his body was wound tight with nervous energy. “I… haven’t been with anyone in a long time, as I… told you.” He loosened his grip on her hands, turning them over so he could caress her palms and fingers, tracing the calluses that mirrored his own.

Elshira sat up straighter as a lump of worry settled in her stomach. “If you want to stop-“

“No! No,” he interrupted her quickly, his eyes going wide as he shook his head. “No.” He held her hand firmly as he brushed his other through her hair, the tips of his fingers caressing the length of her ear. She moaned softly, unable to keep her eyes open. He knew she enjoyed it when he touched her ears. She shuddered as his fingers slowly ghosted down her neck, to finally stop at her collarbone just as she leaned into his touch.

Swallowing down the wave of frustrated need that rushed through her, she raised a hand to cup his cheek. “Then what is it? You can tell me.”

He sighed but leaned into her touch, closing his eyes while his brows knit together in exasperation. “I-I… I don’t want to touch you the… wrong way. Or leave you… unsatisfied.”

A smile spread on her lips as she released the breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding in a relieved sigh.

“Clearly I’ve not been vocal enough,” she murmured as she caressed his cheek, prompting Cullen to open his eyes again. His expression was tentative, like he expected her to be appalled by his uncertainty rather than the contrary, but a red blush was spreading across his cheeks.

“Relax, Cullen. Your touch makes it feel like my skin is on fire, warm and tingling. I think you’d have to try very hard to leave me unsatisfied.” Her lips curled in a soft smile when a hoarse sigh escaped him and she gave his hand a small, reassuring squeeze. “We’re learning each other. There may be mishaps, but that’s part of learning. If you’re not sure, just ask.”

Gently she tugged him down so she could kiss him, coaxing him on until their lips and tongues were meeting eagerly. Elshira moaned when he slid his hand down to palm her breast, her nipple growing harder under the stroke of his thumb. In the wake of her vocal approval, his caresses became firmer, more confident as he caught her nipple between his fingers, giving it a small experimental tug and pinch.

“Yes,” she gasped and arched her back to press into his touch. Cullen let go of her hand to wrap his arm around her waist, holding her close.

When he then suddenly broke the kiss, she made a quiet noise of protest. But she could feel his smile against her skin as he quickly moved to place a hot trail of open-mouthed kisses along her jaw, lingering over the scar that ran along it, before continuing down her neck and collarbone.

Elshira instinctively leaned back on one hand, raking her fingers through his hair with her free hand while her body trembled as she murmured how good it felt. “And you were worried,” she gasped, the words drawing out in a yelp as he suddenly tugged her closer to him.

A low laughter rumbled through him, and wasting no time, he closed his lips around the pebbled nipple on her neglected breast, drawing a throaty moan from her as she arched her back against him while supporting herself on her elbow. He suckled at her, his teeth grazing against her sensitive skin, only to soothe it with a scorching lap of his tongue. Her pulse was roaring in her ears as she lost herself to his touch, heat pooling in her stomach.

“Creators, Cullen…” she moaned, her breathing fast and hard as she clung to him, her arm trembling under her weight.

A whimpered protest spilled from her lips, needy and unapologetic, when he removed his hand from her breast. But then his fingers were skimming down her stomach until he pressed them against her clothed sex.

She swallowed her cry as she slumped back against his desk. Her back arched reflexively as she canted her hips, his arm still holding her, seeking more of that much desired friction.

“Maker’s breath,” Cullen groaned hoarsely. He scattered kisses across her breasts as he dragged his fingers against her, the sharp spikes of pleasure shooting up her spine every time his nail slid over her clit almost too much to handle.

“Please,” she all but sobbed, her fingers digging into his back while her toes curled. The need for him was thrumming through her body.

With a throaty growl he moved back up her body as he pulled her upright again, and for just a moment they stilled with their bodies pressed together, catching their breaths. She pressed small kisses against his chest every time it rose as he inhaled, feeling his muscles tremble under her fingers as she skimmed her hand up his thigh.

“I won’t break,” she murmured while tilting her head back to look up at him. “I trust you.”

Their eyes met and instantly it was as if his tightly held control loosened. Before she knew it, his strong hands all but lifted her back further up on his desk. “Lie down,” he rumbled into her ear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As usual, I have no beta and english isn't my first language, so feel free to point out any mistakes.


	2. Chapter 2

Her heart was racing as she settled back against his discarded overcoat, the thick fur warm and ticklish against her skin. Swallowing, she watched as he shed his shin armor with hasty, impatient movements, his eyes darting back to her the whole time. They were blown wide with lust, dark pools rimmed with gold. 

Mythal preserve her, the way he looked at her; as if she was the most precious, important being in this life and the next. Given the time, she couldn’t help but admire the sight of him awash in the candlelight, how his muscles rolled with every movement. It was like a scene out of one of Cassandra’s books.

When he tugged at the lacing on his boots with short, hasty movements and began toeing them off, she let her fingers trail down her stomach to undo the wide band keeping her loose pants secured to her waist. They were soon joined by his hands, and he stroked his fingers against her hips before hooking his fingers in the waistline. Without needing any further urging, she raised her hips, the light graze of his fingers as he pulled both her pants and smalls down her legs making her squirm with need.

Cullen tossed the garments to the side without letting his eyes off her. Elshira could see his Adam’s apple bobble as he swallowed while eyeing her up and down, his breathing deep and even. 

It was an oddly powerful feeling to have him so enrapt with her. His eyes followed her hand as she lazily trailed it up her body and on a bold whim she brushed over the nipple he’d so eagerly been sucking at just moments before. A soft gasp spilled from her lips at the light rasp of her nails against the tender bud.

Oh the sound he made in response, a low and rough rumble in his throat that made her toes curl in anticipation as he joined her on his desk. She reached out for him but he caught her wrists, kneeling over her with a mischievous glint in his eyes. 

It was a look that would have made her nervous if it had been a random man eyeing her in the street, but while Cullen’s movements were assertive as he placed her hands above her head, he never broke eye contact with her, watchful for any sort of discomfort from her. Carefully he settled by her side, keeping his weight on his right elbow, his warm body pressed against her side.

“Cullen, please…” she whispered hoarsely as he brushed his fingers against her lips before trailing a light pattern down her neck and between the valley of her breasts. Squirming, she nestled her fingers in the fur, catching her lip between her teeth as she whimpered. His fingers left a tingling trail down her stomach, lazily tracing a path along her scars and freckles, until he laid it flat against her. 

“Please what,” he murmured hotly, studying her face as he curled his fingers, his touch infuriatingly light against her skin. His fingertips were so close to where she desperately wanted him.

Elshira whimpered, her eyes fluttering shut. “Please touch me.”

Cullen groaned, hoarsely and needy, and brushed his fingers through the damp curls between her thighs, fingers teasing against her sex and coaxing her to spread her legs for him.

“Oh,” she moaned as he pressed a finger between her slick folds.

“So wet,” he sighed against her shoulder as he curled his finger, seeking and finding the small bundle of nerves that made pleasure shoot up her spine. She bit down on her bottom lip to muffle the sounds longing to escape her throat, but Cullen pressed a soft kiss to her cheek.

“Please, let me hear you.”

Moaning, she nodded. “Yes, there,” she whispered, canting her hips. “I want you, need you, please, ah-“

His laugh was low and throaty. “In a minute,” he murmured. “First want to see you come around my fingers.” She whimpered at the promise in his voice, already feeling as if she’d come apart at the seams at any second.

He pushed another finger inside her, continuing to work them in and out of her. Soon, she was murmuring incoherent praises, his name hot on her tongue in a breathy chant as his fingers curled and twisted, using her shaky moans and pleads as a guide.

Cullen continued to kiss her neck, shoulder, ear and jaw, his stubble feeling pleasantly rough against her tingling skin, as he mumbled to her how sweet she sounded and how beautiful she looked with her head tossed back in pleasure.

It didn’t take long before she could feel her release so close, so very blissfully close as her body tensed. The pressure mounting in her body felt so good after such a long time with only her own hand, desperately chasing faded dreams of Cullen’s touch. With a final stroke of his fingers she tumbled over the edge, pleasure coursing through her body. Stars exploded in front of her eyes as her back arched off the desk while she gasped his name.

Elshira panted as she came down from her high and the world righted itself, soft moans and quivers of pleasure echoing through her as he continued to stroke her at a languid pace, her body feeling heavy and pliant, buzzing with pleasure. She looked up at him through heavily lidded eyes.

Cullen chuckled and withdrew his fingers from her, wiping his hand off on his breeches as he eyed her with a mix of pride and unbridled desire. “Careful, the guards might hear you,” he teased with a smirk, the corners of his eyes crinkling with mirth.

Her cheeks burned. “I’m sure there’s plenty of betting pools that would suddenly get settled, and Varric probably ending up a lot richer,” she retorted hoarsely.

Snorting in amusement, Cullen moved so that he rested above her on his knees and elbows. “Now whether that is a joke or a fact, that is the question.”

She laughed softly at the resigned tone of his voice and craned her neck to brush her lips against his while reaching up to caress the hard planes of his stomach. “A question that can be answered later...” She trailed her hands down to his hips, raking her nails lightly against his skin. 

“I want you,” she whispered hotly as she hooked her fingers in the lacing of his breeches and tugged the strings loose. A guttural growl reverberated through him when she wrapped her hand around his cock, the mere sound sending a jolt straight to her core while he buried his face in the crook of her neck, biting down on her skin. Her breath caught at the feeling of him, so hot and hard and heavy against her palm, thicker than she’d expected. Wetting her lips, she gave him a slow, firm stroke.

Cullen’s hips bucked against her hand and he jerked away from her neck. “Don’t,” he grunted, his eyes screwed shut while he seemed to grapple for control over himself. Despite his warning, the look of pure pleasure on his face made her want to keep touching him, to see him lose himself entirely to it. “I-I… I won’t last long.” Then he opened his eyes and looked down at her, “And I want to feel you.”

Yes, yes. “Please,” Elshira breathed, letting go of him to instead help him push his breeches further down his hips. It was an unwieldy maneuver, and both of them broke out in soft laughter despite the overhanging need for each other. But it felt good, comfortable to be able to do so with him. With the garment finally out of the way, he caught her lips in a slow kiss as he settled against her.

Her breath hitched involuntarily when she felt the head of him press against her. Nervous butterflies danced in her stomach; she hadn’t been with anyone for years, and never with a human.

He paused and looked down at her with concern in his eyes, “Tell me to stop if it hurts.” 

Elshira smiled at his everlasting worry for her and pressed her hand to the small of his back in wordless reassurance. Carefully he began easing himself inside her, his muscles tensing under her fingers as he forced himself to take it slow.

She shifted to accommodate for him, trying to relax while urging him on with whispered endearments that were punctuated by content exhales. Oh the feeling of him was incredible, slowly filling, stretching her so utterly, only the slightest discomfort spiking through the haze of pleasure. She caressed his shoulders and back, savoring every small grunt and sigh that he failed to bite back.

They moaned in unison when he fully sheathed himself within her and pulled their bodies flush against each other. Under her hands she could feel his muscles coiled tight with restraint as he fought down the urge to move right away. 

“Oh,” Elshira moaned and wrapped her legs more securely around him. “You’re… oh Cullen.”

“Maker, Eli, you feel so good,” he whispered. Cullen kissed the line of her jaw and the side of her mouth before resting his forehead against hers, his breath coming in short pants. “You alright?”

Elshira nodded. “Better than.” She nuzzled her nose against his, their breaths mingling in the small space between them. “You can move…”

And he did as she bid, groaning as he rolled his hips before pulling back and thrusting into her.

She did nothing to bite back the throaty moan at the wonderful sensation, not even caring how embarrassingly wanton she sounded. Her head lolled back as she dug her heels into the back of his thighs, rocking to meet every roll of his hips. They soon found and fell into a rhythm, each meeting of their bodies sending another wave of ecstasy washing over her, building into an overpowering crescendo. She clung to him, burying her nose on the crook of his neck as she moaned his name, how good he made her feel. Segments of the Chant echoed in her ear, his breathing growing heavier as his pace increased. The holy words were broken up by his ragged grunts when his concentration faltered.

“Elshira,” he moaned, the pure need in his voice sending her heart aflutter. He ghosted his lips against her flushed cheek. “So close…”

Understanding what he meant, she snaked a hand between their sweat covered bodies to touch herself. It was almost too much, too good, his voice and scent surrounding her, all sense of time and place going up in flames, lost to the feeling of him. He leaned back, watching her intently with half-lidded eyes.

“Cullen-“

With a hoarse cry she came undone around him, her eyes screwed shut as her body went taut like a bowstring, the hot coils of pleasure that had been building in her belly shattering and rippling through her. She mewled, dimly aware of him moving erratically, gasping a rough curse before he followed her over the edge, moaning her name as he spent himself inside her.

Small trembles still shook her body, her muscles constricting around him in short intervals before she felt the last tensions draining from her, leaving her body feeling pleasantly worn-out. Cullen felt heavy slumped over her and the hard surface of the desk bit into the small of her back, but at that moment she did not want to move anywhere. His breath was hot against her neck and she could feel his heart racing, its pace matched by her own. Still slightly dazed, she pressed soft kisses against his shoulder, sliding her fingers up and down along his spine as he came back to.

Finally, with a quiet apology he propped himself back up on his elbows and slid his soft cock out from her body, but she stopped him from pulling away from her entirely. Cullen hesitated for a moment before he settled back down over her with a content sigh. He pressed light kisses to her lips, jaw and neck while she let her hands wander aimlessly over him, unable to get enough of feeling his warm skin, to have him so close, the world for just this moment consisting of only them and no one else.

“Was that, uhm, alright?”

The question was so soft she barely heard it, his breath a hot puff against her neck.

With gentle touches, Elshira urged him to raise his head so she could cradle his jaw and meet his eyes. There it was again, that vulnerable look that made him look younger than his counted years. Smiling, she pressed a kiss to his lips. “You’re incredible.”

With a small, huffed laugh, Cullen shifted his weight so he could brush a hand through her damp hair. “I feel like I ought to be the one to say that,” he murmured in return with an affectionate smile on his lips.

“Then I’ll keep repeating it, for it is true.” She pressed another light kiss to his lips. “Desk held too.”

Cullen chuckled, “That it did.” As he slid his hand down the length of her body he turned his head and nuzzled her neck, planting small kisses against her pulse. “Although I wonder how I will be able to get any work done here now without picturing you spread out on it, panting and moaning my name…”

Elshira hummed thoughtfully while wrapping her arms around his neck. “Could repeat the effort on my desk to even the score if you wish,” she whispered.

A low growl rose from his throat. “Temptress.”

He smothered her giggles with a slow kiss before firmly but gently moving one of her legs from his hips so that he could slide off the desk. There was an almost bashful feeling over his movements as he tucked himself into his breeches, his skin still flushed and shining with a thin layer of sweat, and his hair a delightfully curly mess, but he couldn’t keep his soft gaze off her. She smiled in return, glad to see him so relaxed, and sat up, turning to dangle her legs over the edge. Immediately a shiver went through her as goosebumps prickled her damp skin.

Cullen grimaced, apologetic concern on his face as he stepped forward to run his hands over her arms. “I’m sorry; I forget how cold it is in here.”

Elshira chuckled while glancing around after her shirt, but failed to spot it. “Did you leave a window open, or something?” They sure had made a wonderful mess of his office.

A sheepish look crept up on his face. “Something like that,” he mumbled while brushing away a few strands of damp hair from her face.

She raised her eyebrows at him. “Something like that, huh,” she repeated with a amused smile, craning her neck as she tugged him down for a kiss.

Cullen hummed, savoring the slow kiss as he cupped her face in his hands.

“You’re shivering.”

With a snort, Elshira leaned back to look at him with raised eyebrows. “Telling me to get dressed?”

“Well as your advisor I’d recommend not walking through Skyhold without any on,” he chuckled, letting his hands trail down her arms and to her hips.

“You sure? Could be a great morale booster for all that we know.”

His eyes narrowed as he pulled her closer, forcing her to spread her legs to make room for him. “Not unless you wish me to pick you up and just carry you back in here,” he rumbled.

A blush spread over her cheeks and ears at his husky voice. Oh she didn’t mind that idea. “Then maybe I can persuade my esteemed commander to find where he tossed my shirt,” she responded with a shaky laugh. “Or I’ll lay claim to his unguarded one.” She gave the discarded garment in question a pointed look.

Cullen chuckled and shook his head, but something in his eyes told her that he didn’t seem to object to the thought of it. “As you wish, your worship,” he retorted, brushing his lips against hers before stalking around his desk, carefully stepping over the shards on the floor, to retrieve her shirt.

Elshira eyed his bare back, noting the red scratches she’d left amidst the faint white scars. When he bent over to retrieve her shirt from the floor, she couldn’t help but make an appreciative noise at the back of her throat at the sight of his soft hide breeches stretched taut over his bottom. A grin spread on her lips when his ears and neck flushed red and a half-hearted glare was directed at her, even as a smirk played on his lips.

“Your shirt,” he murmured.

“Thank you, ser.” She inclined her head in a teasing bow as she accepted the garment, and gratefully shrugged it on before sliding off the desk to stand on the floor and picked up her discarded trousers and undergarments.

Once redressed she bent down to pick up his vambraces from the floor. The feeling of his hand on the small of her back brought a smile to her lips. Slowly, she stood up straight as he put his hands on her hips and stepped up closely behind her. 

“Look out for the glass,” he murmured in her ear. Elshira bit her lip as she turned around and rose up on her toes, planting a small kiss on his lips. But before she could pull away again, Cullen wrapped an arm around her waist, holding her close and deepening the kiss as he took his vambraces from her hands, one by one, and placed them back on the desk. Elshira made a content noise as she snuck her arms around his midsection, soaking up his comforting warmth and the loving caress of his hand sliding up her body until he cradled the back of her head.

“Stay?” he whispered, watching her through half-lidded eyes.

A happy flutter spread through her stomach. The few times she had invited him to share her bed, to just sleep together in the most literal sense, he had always politely declined. At first she’d thought he found it inappropriate or didn’t want to risk the gossip, but then he had admitted to sleeping badly and that he didn’t want to disturb her rest.

She understood, truly.

But, she hadn’t particularly looked forward to slinking from his quarters to return to her empty bed tonight.

“I’d love to,” she breathed with a wide smile. “Might need to tidy up your office, though.”

He laughed and glanced around. “Yes, that might be a good idea.”

It was in a comfortable silence that they swiftly put his office into a more acceptable state, piling up parchments, quills and books neatly on the desk, their remaining clothes discarded on a chair while his armor was hung up on its designated rack. Luckily there had been no more glass or worse, full ink or wine bottles, amongst the causalities of his impulsive act.

“There, now you’re free to get some urgent messenger at the crack of dawn without having to explain the state of your office,” Elshira quipped while leaning against his desk.

Cullen swept up the glass shards in a rough pile on the floor with his boot before walking over to her side. While humming in agreement, he dipped his head and tried to kiss her, his hand brushing along her waist, but Elshira moved out of his reach with a grin.

Smiling, Cullen followed her as she backed towards the ladder up to his loft.

A brief kiss, laughter, and then he gave her rear a light pat. “Up the ladder,” he murmured against her lips. “I’ll be there in a minute.”

Elshira raised an eyebrow at him, but refrained from making a joke about him making her climb up first and instead swiftly made her way up the ladder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've never written smut before.


	3. Chapter 3

Cullen let his eyes linger on her for a moment before walking off to put out the last few candles and retrieve her things from the chair. 

Sighing, he ran a hand through his messy hair while he paused by the foot of the ladder, fighting down the sudden surge of nervousness. She really was spending the night with him, in his bed.

Torn between joy and anxious worry, Cullen glanced up and began climbing up the ladder. Andraste be willing, itwould be another relatively problem free night. He didn’t want her to lose precious sleep over his nightmares. That was why he had stayed out of her bed, despite a few hesitant invitations from her to just sleep by her side. Maker, had he wanted to accept each and every one though. To have her close, wake up with her in his arms and get just some more precious time with her outside of the war room, in private where they didn’t have to concern themselves with the trappings of their stations. But his night terrors had been too frequent, too intense in the wake of the lyrium withdrawals.

Groaning, he finally pushed himself up over the edge and stood up on the landing.

Elshira turned away from his small bookshelf, her form only a weak outline in the dark room. Of course, elves saw better in the dark, as evident by the sound of a book closing and being put down. Hopefully she hadn’t noticed that several of the books were on elven history and old folktales. After seeing her so distressed at Halamshiral he’d become overly aware of his lacking knowledge about the Dalish, or elves in general outside of the Circle.

“A window, or something like that,” she casually repeated his words from before, the smile evident in her voice. 

Cullen cleared his throat and walked over to her, his eyes briefly flickering to the broken roof in question. Of course she’d ask about it. His floor had been repaired after that Josephine had reprimanded him over the hazard the weak, broken floorboards posed. Why hadn’t he let the workmen fix the roof as well?

“The cold air helps when I… can’t sleep,” he explained, carefully weighing his words while he put down her sash and foot wrappings on top of the chest where he kept his spare clothing. “I got attached to seeing the sky I guess…”

Elshira tilted her head to the side. The motion made her eyes catch the weak light and glint like a cat’s in the dark. Cullen swallowed down the sudden pang of fear in his chest. It was nothing he wasn’t used to seeing after a life around elven mages and badly lit hallways, but with her, it always reminded him of that dark night after Haven had fallen when they’d found her in the snow. Her eyes had caught the light of a torch when she had fallen to her knees in exhaustion, staying upright just long enough for him to reach her and catch her just as she began to topple forward into the snow. Or the chaos after the battle at Adamant, when he’d pushed his way through the crowds to reach her, his heart in his throat and unable to believe she really was safe until he saw her with his own eyes.

His expression must have betrayed his dark thoughts, the fear he’d felt on each occasion, certain that she was dead, because her gentle touch to his cheek returned his attention to her.

“I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to sound like I was questioning you.” Elshira’s hand lingered at his jaw, her voice low with worry. “Of course you’d have your reasons.” 

Cullen huffed and a fond smile spread on his lips as he gathered her up in his arms and buried his nose in her hair, inhaling the scent of her bathing oils, a mix of raspberries and crystal grace. 

“It’s fine,” he murmured.

She pressed a kiss to his jaw while wrapping her arms around his neck. “Fix it when you want to, Cullen.”

There was an underlying meaning to those words he realized, and a small wave of relief washed through him. Maker, did he really deserve her love? With a soft sigh, he buried a hand in her hair, tilting her head back so he could slant his mouth over hers.

He could feel her smile before returning the kiss. Her hands slid down his chest to grab onto his shirt and gave it a gentle tug to get him to follow as she began backing towards his bed. Not that he needed much coaxing to follow.

When he felt the side of his shin bump against the edge of the large bed – Maker know why Josephine had ordered it to be placed in his room - he pulled her close again, deepening the kiss. A soft whimper escaped her as she parted her lips for him and her tongue darted out to slide against his, all while she pressed herself closer to him, one of her hands returning to the back of his head, caressing his scalp and neck. The feeling of her body against his with only the thin layers of their clothes separating them, knowing what she looked like underneath, made desire coil in his gut once more.

Light, he needed light. He needed to see her, to map out her body with his hands and mouth, see her spread out in his bed. “Hold on,” he muttered and pulled away from her embrace, “there are some candles-“

“Let me.”

He opened his mouth to protest, but there was a firm hand on his chest, pushing. With a surprised grunt he landed on top of the bed.

“Elshira-“ 

Cullen began to sit back up, but her fingers pressed against his lips stopped him. 

“Relax, Cullen,” she chuckled and he felt her hair tickle his cheeks when she leaned over him and replaced her fingers with her lips in a far too short kiss, nipping at his bottom lip before pulling away again. He strained to see her in the low light, but given the chance, he toed off his boots and stood up to put them at their usual spot by the foot of his bed. He heard the sound of a metal case opening, shortly followed by a scratching noise as the firestick hissed to life.

The tiny flame that flickered at the end of the small piece of wood illuminated the room. While Elshira lit the three candles on his bedside table, Cullen tugged down the bedcovers in lack of other things to occupy his hands with. These moments were still so new for him, this… domestic, quiet, intimate side of a relationship. But it felt good, easy with her. When her hand slid up his back he turned back to her with a gentle smile.

“Better?” She was smiling sweetly, her eyes twinkling with mirth as she caressed his shoulders.

Cullen hummed and cupped her jaw, tilting her head back so he could brush his lips against hers. “Much better,” he murmured. She made a content noise and let her hands fall to the small of his back, their breath mingling as they shared a languid kiss.

A shiver went through his body when her fingers suddenly snuck under the hem of his shirt to trace his spine at his lower back with a feather-light touch. Slowly, her caresses grew longer, going further up his back until she stroked back down, bunching the fabric of his shirt higher up each time. Cullen groaned and nipped at her bottom lip before he reluctantly pulled back from her mouth to tug off his shirt. He tossed it towards the foot end of the bed, not even looking where it landed in favor of reclaiming her lips.

Elshira giggled, stepping closer as she slid her hands up his back and then back down to his waist. “Sit down,” she murmured and nudged at him gently.

Cullen obliged, sinking down to sit at the edge of the bed. Curiously, he looked up at her, moving his hands to her hips. His mouth instantly went dry when she started to pull her shirt over her head, slow enough for him to have time to watch her hips sway as she shifted her weight while the tantalizing planes of her taut stomach was revealed inch by inch, the muscles shifting enticingly under her skin as she stretched.

It hadn’t escaped him how she’d hesitated, tried to cover herself and shrink away from his gaze when he’d undressed her before. 

With a groan, Cullen tugged her closer so he could kiss the sole freckle under her left breast, nipping at the dark mark before moving to press a light kiss to the faint scar under it.

He hated the thought of that she would even consider that some aspect of her body bothered him, that she had something to be ashamed of. A smile spread on his lips when she giggled and her hand brushed through his hair, gently caressing his scalp. Maker preserve him, he had never thought something as simple as someone’s fingers in his hair would feel so good, so relaxing. Somewhere to his far right, he picked up the faint sound of fabric hitting the wooden floor.

He moved to kiss the soft skin under her breasts while his hands caressed her sides and back, committing her curves to memory. Elshira sighed and leaned into him, her hands roaming over his back and neck, her nails a light rasp against his skin.

If it was possible to get drunk on a person, he didn’t know. But Cullen felt like it was the effect she was having on him; a lightheaded daze, the flow of energizing warmth rushing through his limbs.

A low growl rumbled through his chest as he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her down with him on the bed, using the momentum to roll them over. She shrieked in surprise, hugging him closer by reflex. Whether the laughter that bubbled up from her stomach once she lay on her back on the bed was due to his sudden shifting of their positions or because she’d ended up pushing his face between her breasts, or both, he wasn’t sure of. Nor did he care when he felt her body shake under him from laughter while he pressed light kisses to her skin.

“I’m sorry, you alright?” he asked with a small chuckle and looked up at her while idly caressing her waist. He lay half on top of her, their legs a tangle and her arms loosely wrapped around his shoulders.

“Relax,” Elshira responded with a grin as she propped herself up on an elbow while her other hand slowly stroked the back of his neck. “You’ve tossed me around more during practice.”

Well, there was truth to those words. Cullen hummed in agreement, his eyes still trained on hers as he trailed his fingers up to trace the contours of the dark peak of one of her breasts. The chill of the night air had already made her nipples tighten into firm buds. Her long dark eyelashes fluttered as she squirmed, a small sigh escaping her. With a smile he covered her breast with his hand, kneading the soft flesh and lowered his head to trail light kisses up her other breast, circling the edges of the areola.

“Cullen,” she whined and fidgeted. Chuckling, Cullen flicked his tongue over her nipple, tearing a low moan from her throat. Elshira tangled her fingers in his hair when he closed his mouth over the rosy bud and suckled greedily, teasing the sensitive skin with his teeth before soothing it with a lap of his tongue.

When she arched her back with a sharp inhale, he groaned in approval, enjoying the way her fingers tightened in his hair as she cradled him close to her bosom.

He paid great attention to every little sound she made, the way her body responded to his touch, filing it all away for the future. Most of his fears about not being able to please her, that he wouldn’t be able to compare with her husband or whatever other men whose bed she’d shared after his death, had melted away, leaving behind just the satisfying need to learn how and where to touch her to reduce her to a quivering mess.

Cullen grunted when her movements pressed her thigh against his groin, the little moans and sighs that his ministrations pulled from her making his blood rush south. Evidently she noticed, since she rolled her hips, grinding against his half-hard length. Pleasure jolted through his body, and a moan burned at the back of his throat, but he focused on teasing her sensitive flesh with his teeth, rolling her rosy bud between his fingers.

With a last flick of his tongue he continued down to her stomach, trailing tender kisses over every scar he saw until her reached the waist of her pants. While nipping at the trio of freckles that graced her skin by her right hipbone, Cullen tugged loose the knot on her cloth belt. Elshira raised her hips as he sat back up on his knees, allowing him to rid her of her last pieces of clothing.

He skimmed his hand up her leg, drinking in the sight of her, of her flushed skin and bare chest rising and falling with every deep breath. How many times hadn’t his dreams teased him with this very image of her in his bed? Of her heavy lidded eyes, dark with desire, focused entirely on him, of the small, inviting smile tugging at her lips while one of her hands absently touched the dark marks he’d left on her collar?

“Maker, you’re beautiful,” he murmured and crawled back up her body to kiss her, slowly, thoroughly. A part of him still feared that this wasn’t real and that he would soon jolt awake in bed, alone with a frustrating, aching arousal. It wouldn’t be the first time it happened.

But her warm lips felt real under his, her kisses pleasantly familiar after months of stolen moments around Skyhold. And her hands, gentle and curious, left a tingling trail in their wake as they roamed over his bare skin. Tilting his head, he kissed her neck, his teeth and tongue grazing her pulse.

All of sudden the world turned over when she suddenly twisted under him, rolling them both over.

Cullen blinked up at her in surprise at the sudden change in position, his hands settling on her hips by reflex. Quiet laughter shook her as she kissed the corner of his mouth before sitting up. With one hand flat on his chest, fingers splayed out, Elshira ran the other through her hair, sweeping it back from her dark eyes. Cullen felt his cock twitch at the sight of her astride him. 

She bit her lip and trailed small patterns over his stomach with her fingers, tracing the small pale nicks he’d acquired over the years with a thoughtful expression, but her eyes kept darting back to meet his, searching his face for any discomfort. He gave her a small nod each time, content to watch her and enjoy her hands on his skin. After what happened at Kinloch Hold, he had not wanted much personal contact. Previously good-natured gestures like a slap on his shoulder had made him jerk away from whoever gave it, staring at them with his heart in his throat. It had taken years for him to get over it, but by then, he had been the Knight-Captain under Meredith’s command, and as such when someone touched him, it had mainly been distressed mothers that clung to his elbow as their child was taken away. 

Cullen swallowed and willed those memories away, instead focusing on her hands sliding up his chest and the little smile on her lips. There was an odd, comforting familiarity to the calluses that covered her palms, as much a testament to the life she’d lived as the scars covering her body.

Her gaze flickered back up to him as she scooted back along his legs, her hands going to the laces on his breeches. Cullen raised his hips when she hooked her thumbs at the hem, letting out his breath in a hiss when she slowly pulled the soft leathers and his smalls past his aching erection and down his legs. She glanced up at him with a small smile that screamed mischief before leaning down to press a kiss to his hipbone, then the junction of his thigh.

His breath hitched when she pressed a kiss right by the base of his cock, her wet and warm tongue flicking out. “Fuck,” he hissed while burying a hand in the sheets as the heat pooling in his abdomen twisted and curled.

“My my, such language.”

Cullen groaned, managing a half-hearted glare when she shot him a teasing look. Without warning she lowered her head again and licked from the base to the tip of his hard length, lingering to kiss the underside of the head before pulling back.

Moaning at the loss of the brief, wonderful sensation, he tightened his fist in the sheets. The sudden image of her lips wrapped around his cock was so vivid in his mind.

Smiling like she knew what he was thinking, Elshira sat back up and kept her hands pressed against his legs as she continued shedding him of his last piece of clothing, at least one finger curled to stroke against his bare skin at the back of his legs. With his breeches discarded on the floor, Elshira paused and let her eyes wander over him. The urge to squirm was brought on by a moment of self-consciousness at lying completely bare before her with his hard cock resting against his stomach.

A warm blush spread across the back of his neck when she hummed while biting her bottom lip, and crawled back up his body. She brushed her lips against his before she bent down to kiss the slope of his jaw.

“My dear, brave, handsome commander,” she murmured, her hot breath fanning over his ear. “Ma vhenan, emma lath…”

Cullen laughed softly while he felt his cheeks heat, despite not knowing what the elven words meant. He’d have to ask her later, he thought as he slid a hand up her back to cradle the back of her head and pull her down for a kiss, her lips instantly parting for him. It was strange how she made him feel younger and stronger, more whole, wanted. Loved.

Her delighted laughter was like music to his ears when he rolled her over on her back and pressed open-mouthed kisses along her neck while caressing her body with his free right hand. Still giggling, Elshira tilted her head back, baring the full length of her throat for him.

Cullen smiled against her skin before dipping his tongue into the hollow of her throat, tasting the salt on her skin. His hand wandered down her body to the apex of her thighs, brushing his fingers through the damp curls between them. When he slid a finger along her sex, her giggles ebbed out in a throaty whimper.

Her hand brushed against his cheek, urging him back to her mouth just as she arched her back and spread her legs for him. A quiet groan rumbled through his chest. Despite the needy little sounds she made and the way she rubbed against his aching erection whenever she writhed, he kept his pace slow and steady as he worked his fingers in and out of her. Elshira had a tight grip on his upper arm, her fingers flexing with every single gasp or moan he coaxed from her. 

“You feel so good…” She moved a hand down his arm to his hand, gently urging him to push his fingers deeper within her. Cullen leaned back from her lips, watching her as he let her guide him. Suddenly she jerked, her hips bucking against his hand.

“Yes, there,” she gasped, her head cast back in pleasure, eyes closed and kiss swollen lips parted. “More, Cullen, please.” Spurred on by her breathless plea, Cullen sought that spot again, grinding the heel of his palm against her clit. A wave of satisfaction welled up within him when he found it again. The way she moaned his name in response forced him to bite the inside of his cheek and think of old Revered Mothers from his days as an initiate to not come right there and then.

It would be a lie if he said that it didn’t do anything for his pride to hear her moan so freely at his touch, how her hips bucked against his hand, eagerly seeking more of him, the slickness covering his hand a testament to her desire.

Groaning, he reluctantly pulled away from her. His cock twitched at her quiet whine of protest, and he quickly turned to grope around for the bedcovers. He had wanted to take his time, but the sounds she made were too much, the feeling her body pressed against his simply too good. It was tearing his self-control to tatters.

Her hands joined his, and together they pulled the blankets and linens over them, shutting out the cold night air. Bracing himself on his elbows as he settled between her legs, Cullen kissed that spot below her ear that made her whimper his name, worrying the flushed skin with his teeth.

“Cullen, please…”

Smiling at her hands grasping at his back, he nuzzled her neck and rolled his hips, slowly. A soft, pleased sound fell from her lips while her hands slid down his back to grab his bottom, urging him closer even as she spread her legs wider for him.

They moaned in unison when he grinded against her wet sex, relishing in the delicious friction and slide of bare skin. She was so warm and inviting, eager and wanting.

Cullen moved so he could slant his mouth over hers, kissing her slowly as he guided himself inside her. Elshira clung to him as he parted her folds, her sweet sighs muffled against his lips.

He gritted his teeth and struggled to not lose himself entirely to the feeling of her velvet heat slowly enveloping him. With a groan he broke the kiss and rested his forehead against hers. The gentle press of her hands against his back urged him on, but he forced himself to take it slow, reveling in the sweet torture of the moment.

Soft, breathy moans fell from her lips, ending with a throaty gasp as he with a last thrust fully buried himself within her. Cullen drew a slow breath, his eyes falling shut for a short moment as pleasure shot up his spine. Her hands roamed over his back while she placed small kisses to his mouth and chin.

“You alright?” she asked quietly.

He hummed in answer. After another short moment he reclaimed her lips in a hard kiss, pressing her down into the bed as he slid a hand down to grasp her hip. Slowly, he began moving, swallowing her answering moan when he thrust back into her.

Only their heavy breaths, whispered endearments and praise filled the air as they slowly chased after that blissful release, their motions and touches unhurried. But even with no flood of pent up desire for them to get swept away by, Cullen found it too easy to get lost in her touch, the feeling of her against him, around him.

“Cullen,” Elshira panted, one of her hands tangling in his hair, her blunt nails grazing against his scalp.

When he felt her other hand slide from his back and instead between their bodies he placed light kisses up her neck. “Maker, you feel so good Eli,” he whispered against her ear. Below him, she tensed as her breathing increased, moans falling freely from her lips.

“Ma vhenan, oh…”

“What does that mean?” 

“I’ll- ah, tell you--“ Elshira whimpered when he nipped at her earlobe before taking it between his lips and sucking. “Oh Creators…” She writhed under him, trembled as her nails painted crescent moons on his back. Desperate to last long enough to see her satisfied, Cullen fought down the surge of his own climax, pulling at every shred of endurance that he had while mentally reciting the Canticle of Transfigurations. 

“Let go,” he growled and snapped his hips against hers in long deep strokes. “Come for me, Eli.”

She sounded so sweet, moaning and whispering his name like a fervent prayer. It was intoxicating to see her so lost in pleasure. Her pretty green eyes were glazed over yet focused entirely on him as she struggled to keep them open. As she drew a shaky breath he could feel a shudder course through her, heralding her climax before her body tensed, her back arching as she tossed back her head with a breathless shout.

Maker, she was beautiful. Cullen fought to stave off his climax a little longer, to let her ride hers out, but she was so hot and tight around him. It was akin to fighting a strong river current. He felt balls tighten, his pulse roaring in his ears as he gasped her name and his hips stuttered against hers. Hot, burning pleasure erupted in his body, coursing through his limbs like liquid fire while white spots danced before his eyes as he at last spent himself within her.

Catching himself before he collapsed over her again, Cullen rested his forehead against her shoulder. For a brief moment they lay still, panting, before he wrapped his arms around her and scattered kisses over her collarbones, the curve of her neck up to her pulse. Elshira wrapped her arms around him with a content noise, scratching the back of his neck. A small shiver shot up his spine at the pleasant sensation.

“You are…” He sighed and kissed that spot under the curve of her jaw he knew would draw a quiet moan from her. All words that came to mind felt inadequate to describe what he felt, what she meant to him. Carefully he moved from her and fell onto the bed by her side, rolling onto his back as fatigue settled into his muscles along with a satisfying, sated feeling. 

Elshira rolled over on her side, gathering the bed covers higher up on her body. A gentle smile played on her lips as she studied him. “I’m what?” she asked softly while she caressed his cheek with the back of her fingers, and then traced the scar by his mouth with the tips.

Smiling in return, Cullen caught her hand and pressed a kiss to her fingertips. The gesture pulled a soft laugh from her. His smile widened as he rolled over on his side and reached out for her, gathering her close. It felt good to hold her against him, to feel her cuddle closer and wrap an arm over his waist to gently stroke her fingers against his back.

“You are…" He started again and caressed her cheek. His brow creased as he searched for his words and brushed away some hair from her forehead, his fingers tracing the branch-like marks of her vallaslin that covered her forehead. As the unfamiliar, relaxed feeling of the moment settled over him he let out his breath in a heavy sigh. “I’ve never felt anything like this.”

A smile spread on her lips, her expression soft and relaxed, so full with gentle affection that his chest grew tighter. “It means ‘my heart’.”

Cullen’s brow knit together in confusion, until he realized what she meant. The elven words he had asked about. His mouth went dry as his mind processed the underlying meaning. “Ma vhenan?” he spoke uncertainly, to make sure he understood her correctly.

Amusement twinkled in her eyes as she nodded. “I love you, Cullen. You know that, right?”

He let out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding and swallowed as warmth spread through his body. It seemed unreal to hear her actually say the words. Words he’d never thought he’d hear - thought he didn’t deserve to hear – spoken to him. “I love you too, Eli,” he replied, moving to capture her lips in a soft kiss.

Elshira smiled into the kiss and gently pressed a hand against his shoulder, urging him to roll onto his back. Cullen obliged and wrapped his arms around her waist with a content sigh, pulling her with him so she lay sprawled on top of him. His hands roamed over her, skimming up her back to briefly tangle his fingers in her hair as they continued their languid kiss, then sliding down her back to squeeze her firm bottom. He was entirely unable to not grin against her lips at her indignant squeak and laughter in response. If it meant that he could spend the rest of eternity locked in this blissful moment with her, he’d gladly wade through an army of red templars or demons or whatever other horrors Corypheus might throw at them. With one last kiss against the scar by his mouth, Elshira laid her head down to rest on his shoulder with a soft, satisfied noise.

Cullen caressed her arm and back, toying with her hair and just soaking up the feeling of her naked body pressed against his. If it wasn’t for that she was drawing small patterns on his chest, carding her fingers through the fine hairs covering it, he would have thought she’d fallen asleep.

“It won’t go unnoticed if I spend the night here. And I don’t just mean whoever Leliana have shadowing me.”

Cullen glanced down at her. “Does that bother you?”

Frowning, she propped herself back up on her elbows, one on either side of his head, to look at him. “No, of course not.” But then she bit her lip, averting her gaze while her fingers toyed idly with his hair. “But we said we’d try to keep this between us discrete. I just… If we keep doing this, I don’t want either of us to… You know… leave separately, pretending that we spent the night in our own beds.”

A pleasant feeling curled in his stomach at the thought of spending more nights with her like this. But he agreed with what she said. He had too much respect for her, and a little too much pride himself, to steal in and out of each other’s rooms like thieves whenever they wanted to spend some time together. If there were any to be heard, he trusted Leliana, Rylen or Cassandra to bring forth any concerns regarding their relationship. Cullen brushed back some lose tresses of hair behind her ear, “We said discrete, not to keep it a secret.”

Elshira hummed in agreement.

“And no one’s voiced any disapproval of us being together. So I can’t see why they’d object if we spent the nights together, as long as it doesn’t impede with our schedules.”

She nodded and pressed a quick kiss to his lips. “Good. Because it would be a bit awkward to try and sneak out of here. Even worse from the main tower since someone insists of having guards stationed by the stairs around the clock.”

Cullen blinked up at her, disregarding the comment about the guards. He and Leliana had deemed it necessary after that those Ben-Hassrath agents had infiltrated them to get to Bull. “You mean from your room?” 

“The offer still stands. You’re always welcome to sleep there, if you wish.” A shy smile twitched on her lips. “Sadly no hole in the roof, but the view is pretty.”

Cullen chuckled, “Think I have the prettiest part of that view right here already.”

Elshira grimaced at him, wrinkling her nose, but he could see the smile tugging at her lips while her cheeks flushed an adorable shade of red under her freckles, making her look at least a decade younger. It was like the worries of the Inquisition, the pressure and the demands that came with her position as the Inquisitor melted off her features, leaving just… her. Cullen cherished the carefree moments when he got to see her like this.

With a snort, she pressed a kiss to the tip of his nose. “Already got me into bed Rutherford, no need to try and sweet-talk me.”

“With all due respect, your worship, I’ll disregard that.”

Elshira made a low doubtful sound and nipped playfully at his bottom lip, but he cupped the back of her head and kept her there, capturing her mouth in another sweet kiss.

“Mmm, I want to stay like this forever.”

Cullen hummed in agreement, but knew they should get to sleep. “You have a meeting with Josephine tomorrow morning.”

Elshira groaned in protest and rubbed her nose against his. “Don’t remind me, that orleasian lord’s been nothing but trouble.” They shared a last kiss before she pushed herself up on all four and leaned over towards the candles.

Under a blanket of darkness they finally settled down next to each other. Elshira lay tucked up against his side with an arm over his stomach, her head resting on his shoulder. Even after they’d murmured good-night to each other and she’d fallen asleep, he lay awake for a little while longer, just listening to her soft breathing while staring up at the stars.

It felt strange to dare to hope for a future, one that concerned himself and not just the survival of Thedas. He had made a lot of mistakes, and still had amends to make for several of them. But, she wished to share whatever life that lay beyond Corypheus’ defeat with him.

The Maker and Andraste be willing, that frail, glimmering vision of a future with her wouldn’t remain just a figment of his imagination. And that was the last thought on his mind before he succumbed to sleep, his arms protectively wrapped around her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that's all of it. Thank you for reading!


End file.
